It all became clear when a former member of the British House of Lords bumped his fanny into my head as he chatted with a friend in the aisle at a recent concert: Toronto has a special, lucrative and unique future waiting for it.
- Classical Music 101: What Does A Conductor Do? - June 17, 2019
- Classical Music 101 | What Does Period Instrument Mean? - May 6, 2019
- CLASSICAL MUSIC 101 | What Does It Mean To Be In Tune? - April 23, 2019
I propose a deceptively simple plan that solves several civic problems, notably how to attract more money, enterprise and tourists.
A substantial proportion of our population continues to embrace a scofflaw mayor who is obviously well connected with grassroots entrepreneurs in all corners, high school parking lots and wooded ravines of the Greater Toronto Area. It has also welcomed back a disgraced corporate stripper who is currently happily chatting up willing guests in a local talkshow.
As long as we can live our lives peacefully, Torontonians care not what anyone does in the privacy of their own gas station washroom and/or dry cleaning establishment.
So why not make a virtue of our vices and establish Toronto as a haven for all the world’s scofflaws?
For generations, embezzlers, cheats, underage fornicators and deposed tinpot dictators have had to scour the netherer reaches of Africa or the barely charted islands of the Pacific for sanctuary. How upsetting and degrading to have to settle for third-world instability and lack of creature comforts when all the comforts of a first-world home could await in Toronto.
If the city were to declare itself a nation-state — it’s navy could ply the waters beyond the Island to clear the way for cigarette and narcotics imports via the new Island Tunnel — it would not only please the rest of Canada, but allow City Council to dispense with a whole paddywagon full of inconvenient criminal laws and revenue taxation requirements.
It would be even more appealing if the Bayfront amusement park and the downtown casino were to be built after all, making our city not just the Las Vegas of the North, but a real-life Mahagonny.
Oh show me the way to the next crack bar…
You think Patty LuPone might agree to come be our official spokesmodel?
John Terauds
- Classical Music 101: What Does A Conductor Do? - June 17, 2019
- Classical Music 101 | What Does Period Instrument Mean? - May 6, 2019
- CLASSICAL MUSIC 101 | What Does It Mean To Be In Tune? - April 23, 2019
