In the pocket of an average classical musician (hardened, unmarried)
- A worn and lumpy leather wallet overflowing with price-club cards, and Canadian Tire money
- Subway tokens
- Go Train schedule
- An older model burner cellphone
- A debit card with tape over the magnetic strip
- A photo of your best friend teaching English in Thailand
- 1 stolen ballpoint pen (hotel variety)
- A letter from high school sweetheart who has gone onto marry someone with a regular job.
- 1 comp. ticket to next week’s matinée at Roy Thomson Hall
Married musician
- a bill fold
- A 649-lotto ticket (could be a winner)
- A photo of the wife (before she started working nights)
- Italian After Coffee Mints purchased during a moment of affluence
- 5 business cards, stuck together with some kind of sticky resin
- Errant violin bow hair – (a mystery)
- Smart phone with an unshakable 25-year contract
- Keys to the minivan
A Musician with orchestra tenure
- A small pill-box full of Valium
- A single Amex credit card with an unknown limit
- An e-cigarette with 12 mg nicotine juice
- Lunch money
- Persol Sunglasses
- Keys to the sedan
- Large collection of press clippings. These will be reviews published by national newspapers and magazines by critics more famous than you are. Includes B-roll material where your name is incorrectly spelled, or you were left out entirely in favour of more inches for the visiting soloist.
- If you die getting hit by car crossing the street, they will identify you by your press clippings. They will know you are either a musician or a critic. Critics never die, so they will know you are a musician.
Michael Vincent is the Editor-in-chief Ludwig Van and CEO of Museland Media. He publishes regularly and writes occasionally. A specialist in digital media for over 15 years, he has worked as a senior editor and is a former freelance classical music critic for the Toronto Star. Michael holds a Doctorate in Music from the University of Toronto.
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