{"id":19926,"date":"2014-07-30T19:16:04","date_gmt":"2014-07-30T23:16:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/?p=19926"},"modified":"2014-07-31T08:21:47","modified_gmt":"2014-07-31T12:21:47","slug":"a-music-critics-odyssey-against-second-hand-music","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/2014\/07\/30\/a-music-critics-odyssey-against-second-hand-music\/","title":{"rendered":"A music critic\u2019s odyssey against second-hand music"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/SCHAFER2.png\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19932\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/SCHAFER2.png\" alt=\"SCHAFER2\" width=\"553\" height=\"328\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/SCHAFER2.png 553w, https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/SCHAFER2-300x177.png 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 553px) 100vw, 553px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\"><em>I try to listen to<\/em><br \/>\n<em> the still, small voice within<\/em><br \/>\n<em> but I can\u2019t hear it<\/em><br \/>\n<em> above the din<\/em><br \/>\n&#8211; from <em>Little Audrey\u2019s Story<\/em> by Eliza Ward<\/p>\n<p>After many years of living in cities, (Vancouver, Montreal, Toronto), I finally got fed up with the hustle-bustle of it all and moved to the country. I\u2019m now settled in a 150 year-old historic home in Waterdown ON, just a stone\u2019s throw from Burlington. Much of what prompted the move was the rampant noise pollution.<\/p>\n<p>Since the industrial revolution, our cities have become crammed-full with rumbling trucks, incessant car alarms, endless <em>clanks<\/em> and <em>clunks<\/em>, leaf-blower drones, and outdoor patio parties galore that call out into the night.<\/p>\n<p>I can\u2019t stand it. It\u2019s an assault upon the senses.<\/p>\n<p>The worst city for noise is Vancouver, which seems to be much more sonically obnoxious than any other city I\u2019ve lived in. Which is a shame, because it\u2019s also the most beautiful.<\/p>\n<p>These days, sometimes the birds even sound like car alarms:<\/p>\n<div class=\"jetpack-video-wrapper\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/p3yafk6CXuU?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>It\u2019s enough to make you want to move to the country, and so I did.<\/p>\n<p>Since moving to Waterdown, it\u2019s been mostly idyllic. The birds sing freely and you can hear the wind blow through the trees. The frogs come out at night, and cicadas fill the air with their rattle throughout August and early September.<\/p>\n<p>But this summer, my backyard oasis has had a soundtrack applied to it. It\u2019s been totally redesigned into a strange muzak-filled time warp by my neighbours. Meet \u201cJack\u201d and \u201cLouise\u201d: retired baby-boomers with terrible taste in music. A few weeks ago they have taken it upon themselves to rid the block of the sound of wind, birds and other wildlife, and replace it with 1980\u2019s era Phil Collins.<\/p>\n<p>After they spent the better half of an afternoon installing a new outdoor sound system, I knew I was in for some trouble, which for me, begins and ends with\u00a0secondhand music.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve been walking around with a face like a pit-bull chewing a wasp ever since.<\/p>\n<p><strong>DAY ONE: 8 a.m.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/PHIL-COLLINS1991.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-19939 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/PHIL-COLLINS1991.jpg\" alt=\"PHIL-COLLINS1991\" width=\"218\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>\u201cSussudio oh oh.<br \/>\nNow she don&#8217;t even know my name,<br \/>\nBut I think she likes me just the same.<br \/>\nSussudio oh oh,\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Phil Collins\u2019 Greatest Hits on repeat blare.<\/p>\n<p>The lyrics waft through the yard like a 1980s circa sport coat with shoulder pads as wide as a juiced-up quarterback.<\/p>\n<p>In a 1982 interview Collins once said, \u201cBeyond a certain point, the music isn&#8217;t mine anymore. It&#8217;s yours.\u201d Well thanks a lot Phil. Have you met my neighbour? My yard will never be the same again.<\/p>\n<p>The hell finally ended about 9:30 that night.<\/p>\n<p><strong>DAY TWO: 9 a.m.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Again, Phil Collins. \u201cSussudio oh oh.\u201d At 7:30 pm, it finally stopped\u2026 \u00a0The pirate stereo started back up again at 8:15 p.m. and ended at 10 p.m.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Su&#8230; Su&#8230; Sussudio!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><strong>DAY THREE: 10:30 a.m.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Phil Collins\u2026 again. Outdoor stereo was turned off around 3 p.m., then on again at 4 p.m. till 6:30 p.m.<\/p>\n<p><em>I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord<br \/>\nAnd I&#8217;ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord<br \/>\nCan you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord<\/em><\/p>\n<p>At 7 p.m. I finally mustered up the will to walk over and ask him to turn it down.\u00a0He smirked, \u201cYou know Mike, your kids are noisy when they play in the yard, but you don\u2019t hear us complaining about it because I\u2019d like to think we\u2019re good neighbours.\u201d In other words \u2013 leave us alone and learn to love Phil Collins as much as we do. The music stays.<\/p>\n<p>Upset, I looked for answers. Dear Facebook: What do I do? Help!<\/p>\n<p>Advice poured in:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cshotgun mic &gt; Garage Band &gt; assorted funky plugins &gt; guitar amp should do the trick.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFight Collins with Slayer.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCall the cops\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf I was there I&#8217;d bring over my ampeg and crush everything.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cComplain to the city\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t own any Slayer, but I do have &#8220;Put The Lime In The Coconut&#8221; by Harry Nilsson, and a very accomplished pair of studio reference monitors.<\/p>\n<p>I opened all my windows, and played the \u201cmasterpiece of annoyance\u201d over and over again. It weighed heavily against <em>Easy <\/em>Lover like a pair of cement water wings. The point seemed to have been made painfully clear and our neighbours turned off the \u201cmusic\u201d. Success! That\u2019ll teach \u2018em.<\/p>\n<div class=\"jetpack-video-wrapper\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/aA9OqUuA6a0?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>Or did it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>DAY FOUR: 11 a.m.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I woke up with Phil Collin\u2019s ballads sailing over my hedge like an errant pair of leotards from <em>Flash Dance<\/em>. I rushed down to my studio. This time called for the heavy guns: Wagner!<\/p>\n<div class=\"jetpack-video-wrapper\"><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/XRU1AJsXN1g?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/div>\n<p>We were at war. The casualties, horrific. The neighbours stood their ground against the cacophony. After an hour, a white flag rose over the hedge, and \u201cthe Phil Collins\u201d retreated into the early afternoon like a bad\u00a0hangover.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/hole.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-19929\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/hole.jpg\" alt=\"hole\" width=\"615\" height=\"409\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/hole.jpg 615w, https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/hole-300x199.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 615px) 100vw, 615px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>DAY FIVE: 8 a.m.<\/strong> (Oddly quiet)<\/p>\n<p>The smoke cleared, and the day passes without a peep from the neighbours\u2019 backyard sonic arsenal.<\/p>\n<p><strong>DAY SIX: (afternoon)<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/eggplant.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-19945\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/eggplant-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"eggplant\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a>The neighbour stoped by with some eggplant. \u201cSorry about all the noise, Mike. I was painting the shed out back and the music helps pass the time, but it\u2019s all done now.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou better believe you\u2019re done,\u201d I thought to myself. Phil Collins is no match for Wagner. I took the eggplant as the spoils of war, and promised a batch of my famous eggplant soup. Of course unannounced to him, my next step was a stealthy backyard raid with some wire cutters. Failing that was a move back to the city. (Do people listen to Phil Collins in Toronto?) Thankfully it didn\u2019t come to that.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s been a month now, and the scorched backyard soundscape has been restored. The birds are singing again.<\/p>\n<p>But just yesterday, I was walking to the local corner store, and who was to drive by but my good neighbour, with Phil Collins\u2019 <em>In the Air Tonight<\/em> blaring from his tinny car stereo. He waved and smiled at me. The hair went up on the back of my neck.<\/p>\n<p>Pollution kills&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><em>Michael Vincent<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I try to listen to the still, small voice within but I can\u2019t hear it above the din &#8211; from Little Audrey\u2019s Story by Eliza Ward After many years of living in cities, (Vancouver, Montreal, Toronto), I finally got fed up with the hustle-bustle of it all and moved to the country. I\u2019m now settled [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":19932,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[117,31,36,63],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"acf":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2014\/07\/SCHAFER2.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9bakr-5bo","amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19926"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19926"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19926\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19958,"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19926\/revisions\/19958"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19932"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19926"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19926"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19926"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ludwig-van.com\/toronto\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=19926"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}